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[07 Jun 2005|11:17pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I really hate myself. I'm so unsatisfied with everything that is me. Today was just horrible with all the gay-jokes that i was called. On top of it all, i've been getting in fights with my parents left and right, and the worst is that i simply hate myself. I got in a fight with them and told them that i "can't wait to leave this family and never come back" and my older sister said "good, then we won't have to put up with your annoying whining all the time" (this is also the sister who found out i was gay earlier this year). I don't whine, that's just the way i talk because i'm gay and i talk like that; you'd think she'd understand that. Anyways, nobody understands me and i'm sick of it. I got in a fight with someone who was one of my best "friends" today. She was just being a total bitch and i don't care if i ever talk to her again. I really think all my friends have expiration dates. They eventually wear out and i'm left with nothing but a blank human being who once used to care about the shit that goes on in my life, but now is no different than the rest of the jerks who surround my life. Yes, i'm being miserable again. That's just how i function. But its not like i don't have a reason. It's really hard when you have people criticising you left and right, and then you have your friends all hating you, and everyone at school calling you faggot, queer, and other obscene nick names that i've been recently dubbed. I just hate everything about my life and wish i had someone who cared. I wish that i, myself even cared. You'd think that i'd at least have myself be my friend but that seems to have even faded since i'm simply fed up with myself and my inability to remain stable. I really hate myself, that's all i have to say...and that i'm really really sad, and just trying to reach out to anyone who cares.

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