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Secrets of the Heart -- Day [entries|friends|calendar]

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[31 May 2005|06:43pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I finally ate something. I just actually had a real meal. See, I never feel like eating, so in the past four days i've been skipping a lot of meals and pretty much starving myself. It's not that i'm annorexic but I just don't always feel like eating. Food bores me. But I just had dinner a couple minutes ago, and i feel so much better. I don't feel unhealthy anymore.

well what else? nothing much except that my life is a complete bore. OMG, ACTs in ten days. I already took them in April and i got a 25. Is that a good score? I think it's ok. I'm going for a 27 this time around though. I don't think i'll get it this time cuz i barely prepared for it. I'll probably do much better my third time taking it.

In school today, one of the out gay boys started talking to me. He knows i'm gay, i told him. I'm not out to that many people and especially not to my family. Well he's really nice to me and he always says hi to me whenever we see each other in the halls. Well today he tried striking up conversation with me when school was over as I was waiting for my ride home...i feel bad, cuz i kinda brushed him off. He was talking to me, asking me how i'm doing etc, and trying to make convo. but i was just like "i'm fine..." *quiet* and that was all. I guess i got scared that he was talking to me because i didn't want anyone else to think i'm gay for talking to him. That makes me feel so much like shit. I hope he doesn't think i was being a snob. I guess, i don't know, i just got all uncomfortable. Or maybe it was just cuz he's gay and in-person and it made me all uneasy. I don't know why. I'm so messed up. Another person that i'm out to told me that he wants me. Now i know i'm not ready to be in any kind of relationship. So that's another reason i think i get kinda scared to talk to him. I don't want him to make any moves on me. I'm just a very scared, uncomfortable, gay boy.

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