I wonder how far i can go to reach the world record for "# of people who hate you". I'm almost there at this rate. Another friend told me today that she's pissed at me. Well how wonderful! I really don't know why all the people i talk to are just deciding to hate me one by one. First it started with one or two people, then it just started adding up, and now another person. It actually makes me very sad. This person today, - we'll call her Sara for privacy - told me that I've been very mean lately. She said that I'm always rude and don't care about anyone but myself, basically. Well I've been under a lot of stress lately. A LOT. I've been having soooo much homework and tests back-to-back, and I've been getting very little sleep; and then just personal gay stuff that's bothering me, and other stuff with my dad...and all i want throughout all of this is a friend who cares about me. I don't feel like "sara" ever cares about me and that she barely understands me, so i didn't want to talk to her about anything that was going on. So she got pissed. Because i have to involve her in every single aspect of my life. What a fucking psycho. She also doesn't understand all the stress i've been having from school lately, because of all the hard classes i'm taking, and that's why i've been coming off as a grouch. I'M SORRY WE CAN'T ALL TAKE ART AND PHYSICAL SCIENCE, you dumbass! I'm so sick of human beings. YES, you heard me, human beings. They're all crazy psychopaths (including myself). There's probably only one person who's not bothering me right now. Maybe two, but i'm leaning more towards this one person. Well anyways, I don't care anymore. This is exactly why i always say there's no such thing as a friend. See everyone, they always ditch you in the end.
Well in other news today, I actually talked to my secret obsessive crush. We worked on a worksheet together in class today. He was sitting with some other guys too. I like him a lot, but he changed so much since seventh grade. Back then we used to be friends (much more than now), and whenever anyone would pick on me he would stick up for me, always. Then we got into highschool and we sorta drifted apart. Now, I would be surprised if he even looked my way in the hall, let alone say hello. That's why i was surprised that we actually worked together today. I just noticed so much change in him though (or maybe i just never really new him). He's become so...well...cocky. I mean, he's easily the hottest boy in our school, but I've always liked him because he's so gorgeous but he's not cocky about it. He's always been really modest, quiet, and shy. Now it's like a totally new person. Well not totally. He's still a really nice guy and he's not a show-off and he's still modest. But he seems to have gotten immature, and he's such a jock now. He was always athletic but he was never a dumb jock. Now he's becoming more of that. Ugh. Plus, when i was sitting next to him, he kept talking about really stupid guy stuff, like sports and hot girls (yes he's straight, but for some reason that doesn't stop me from liking him). The only thing he said today that made me wanna give him a hug was when he reffered to something from a movie as "cute and adorable". That sounded so sensitive and sweet. I just hate it when people change. He changed a lot but i still like him; that's the worst part.
Well also, something else has been bothering me lately. I heard my mom and dad talking about something about a doctor or something, and i think my dad might be really sick. I know i said b4 that me and my dad rarely get along but i don't hate him, and if anything ever happened to him i'd get extremely depressed. I'm not sure what's wrong with him, but i know it's something serious. I don't know what to think. I don't want to be depressed but i think i'm gonna be. I heard him say some stuff to my mom about what the doctor said that made me really sad. I don't know what to think.